Ace's joke list

George Lyons · #61 07-02-2008, 05:09 PM

**Ace917** · #62 07-09-2008, 10:43 AM

Wife: Honey, the car won't start.

Husband: What's the matter?

Wife: I think there's water in the ignition….

Husband: Water in the ignition? Never heard of such a thing.

You have now.... York Daily Record

"This photo released by Ashley Campasino shows a red Mazda Miata being pulled out from the bottom of the Campasino family swimming pool in Stewartstown, Pa. on June 30, 2008."

**Ace917** · #63 08-04-2008, 05:35 PM

Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a Lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the 'Gunny' that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.

The Gunny responded, “Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately.”

He went into the tent and said, “The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz.”

Gregory · #64 08-04-2008, 05:39 PM

Set Avatar · #65 08-05-2008, 09:43 AM

randy s · #66 08-05-2008, 04:48 PM

bet they would have a time finding out who the "ranking"officer is

George Lyons · #67 08-05-2008, 04:52 PM

You trumped our Ace, Randy!

randy s · #68 08-05-2008, 05:02 PM

at times i can be an ACE hole

randy s · #69 08-05-2008, 05:04 PM

well,that didn"t exactly come out right,but thats me

**Ace917** · #70 08-05-2008, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by randy s

bet they would have a time finding out who the "ranking"officer is

Can't deny it...

Post of the Day Award

!!

***Nancy*** · #71 08-05-2008, 07:05 PM

**Ace917** · #72 08-07-2008, 03:40 PM

Dear Lord,

So far today, am I doing all right?

I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card.

But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think that I will really need your help then.

Sarah · #73 08-07-2008, 04:31 PM

Thanks I needed a laugh after the day I've had.

**Ace917** · #74 08-20-2008, 12:54 PM

You know that Viagra commercial?

... the one that ends with, "If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, call your physician."

Hell, I'm calling everybody, old girlfriends, people I haven't seen in years, EVERYBODY!!!

George Lyons · #75 08-20-2008, 01:33 PM

What are you trying to say, Cole?

Is that a model plane in your pocket or are ya just a happy fella?

Taylor · #76 08-20-2008, 01:47 PM

< Hell, I'm calling everybody, old girlfriends, people I haven't seen in years, EVERYBODY!!! >

"No, really, you gotta see this, FOUR hours!!"

**Ace917** · #77 09-30-2008, 01:20 PM

I'm leaving early to make up for coming in late....

***Nancy*** · #78 09-30-2008, 01:59 PM

Good one, Ace!

**Ace917** · #79 10-13-2008, 08:46 PM

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (the ground is a couple of feet below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

→→→ Get your drunken fanny off the merry-go-round!!

randy s · #80 10-16-2008, 05:26 PM

Waiting!!ACE.The only thing i could think of doing is waking the person in the back seat cause they ain"t ever seen a wreck like that.how does it end?