[Joe Szulczewski]

[Lourdes]

A blonde walked into the swimming competition, type "breast." The other competitors were a brunette and a redhead. The brunette came in first and the redhead second. After a while, the blonde gets completely exhausted
.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she says:
- I do not want to gossip, but I think those other two used their arms.

[Nancy]

[Joe Szulczewski]

[Lourdes]

A nun, dying, she asked to be written on her grave the following tombstone:
I was born a virgin
Live virgin
I died a virgin
The gravedigger, thinking it would really work, wrote:
Returned unused.

[Joe Szulczewski]

[Keith]

Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

"Whisky, please."


".......and one for the road".

[Lourdes]

When God created Adam and Eve, said to them:
- I have two gifts to distribute to you: one is to pee standing up and ...
Adam, anxious, interrupted, shouting:
- I! I! I! I want to please ... Lord, please. Yes, I would make life easier substantially.
Please! Please!
Eve agreed and said that these things were not important to her. So, God presented Adam, who was amazed.He shouted of joy ran through the garden of Eden peeing on every tree. He ran down the beach doing drawings with his pee in the sand. He played the fountain. Lit a bonfire and play firefighter ...
God and Eve watched the crazy man of happiness, until Eve asked God:
- And ... what is the other gift, Lord?
God answered:
- Brain, Eve, the brain is yours!

[Nancy]

- Brain, Eve, the brain is yours!

YES!

[sabaue]

[Lourdes]

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

[Lourdes]

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

[Dina]

[Joe Szulczewski]

[NickfromPhilly]

Absolutely love that one, Lordie!!!!

[Lourdes]

- Doctor, how do I lose weight?
- Mrs. Just move your head from left to right and
from right to left.
- How many times, doctor?
- Every time we offered food.

[ARIES3032]

Lourdes, trued to reach you by E-mail, but it came back. Please put it in my private mail. Thank you. Lee

[Lourdes]

The phone rings at night.

husband:

- If it is for me to say I'm not at home.

Woman responds:

- He's home ...

husband:

- But ... What the hell! I did not say that ...?!?

woman:

- It was for me!

[Lourdes]

The psychiatrist asks the blonde:
- Usually hear voices without knowing who is speaking or where they come from?
- yes, I do!
- And when that happens?
- When I pick up the phone!

[Greggie]

Originally Posted by Lourdes

The phone rings at night.

husband:

- If it is for me to say I'm not at home.

Woman responds:

- He's home ...

husband:

- But ... What the hell! I did not say that ...?!?

woman:

- It was for me!