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Thread: Jokes from Nancy's crazy friends

  1. Jokes from Nancy's crazy friends

    Golf and the lawyers

    Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favourite moment of the week.

    Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city.

    It wasn't quite The same without him.

    A new lady lawyer joined their firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up. "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college, and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

    The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant.Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am. He figured the early tee-off time would discourage her immediately.

    The woman said this wouldn't be a problem, but asked if it was ok as she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay.

    She smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there at 6:30 or possibly 6:45."

    She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round.

    The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse, they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week.

    She smiled and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6.30 or 6:45."

    The next week, she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand.

    By now, the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out.

    In the third week, they all had their game faces on. But this week, she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her.

    As they waited for her, they figured Her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she showed up.

    This week, the lady lawyer played right-handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play; it was hard to keep a grudge against her.

    Back in the clubhouse, she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank,

    "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

    The lady blushed and grinned. She said, 'When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.

    From then on, I developed a silly habit. Before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his 'you-know- what' Was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed, and if it was pointing to the left, I golfed left-handed."

    All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical.

    Astonished at this bizarre information, the wittiest one of the guys shot back, "But what if it pointed straight up in the air?"

    She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late!"

  2. #2
    Download NANCY SINATRA's latest album, SHIFTING GEARS, now!Download from iTunes Download this album from Amazon.

  3. #3
    That should give all us fellas pause....

    Pack a small bag....

  4. #4
    You can't have everything... where would you put it?
    Sally

  5. #5
    Andrea
    Living well is the best revenge.

  6. #6
    good one
    Frank Forever

  7. #7
    Leave it to the lawyers...........Good one.......
    Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum

  8. #8
    Mary

  9. #9

  10. #10
    Sadly, I'm never late for golf these days.
    Rick
    The enemy of truth is distortion.

  11. #11
    Thanks for the laugh, Nancy.
    Grace and Lauren

  12. #12
    Another Golf and Lawyer joke that's a classic:

    A pastor, a doctor and an lawyer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The lawyer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

    "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

    The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

    The lawyer said, "So, why can't these guys play at night?"
    Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum

  13. #13

    Cool Excellent

    I enjoyed it very much!
    LEATRICE (LEE) Fort Myers, Florida, USA
    Sinatra, Sinatra,Sinatra! Pray for Robin!

  14. Another golf joke

    A lady is out playing golf one day Yelling "fore" as she swung her club, she saw another golfer scream with pain as he placed his hands between his thighs.

    She rushed up to him and apologized for having injured him saying, Pardonez moi, monsieur, but I'm a physical therapist, and if you will permit me, I know I can relieve your pain.

    The man protested, saying he was sure he would be all right in a little while, still keeping his hands between his thighs.

    She insisted, assuring him it was fine, she was a professional and was certain that she could help him.

    Finally, he agreed.

    She took his hands away from his thighs, unzipped his fly, & proceeded to put her hands in his pants gently massaging whatever was in his pants.

    After a while, she said, "Voila!. Doesn't that feel good now, monsieur?"

    "Oui, certainment, madame", he said, "but it was my thumb that was in pain.

  15. #15
    You can't have everything... where would you put it?
    Sally

  16. #16
    Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum

  17. #17
    A father, son, and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the lawyer who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

    Naturally, the guys all agreed.

    Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'"

    With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

    All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 260 yards right down the middle. The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said. The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."

    After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly." The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

    Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 270 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round, the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

    When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was two under and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a birdie. She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course."

    "If any one of you can tell me how to birdie this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old single malt scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner, and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."

    The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt, and finally said, "Lady, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

    The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback so it falls into the cup."

    The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up, handed it to her, and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."

    The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"

    OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND GOOD LOOKS EVERY TIME!

    Pack a small bag....

  18. Definitely a few spins on the game with the drivers.
    ......pick yourself up...... ......dust yourself off...... ......start all over again...... (my e-mail)

  19. The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
    LOVE IT!

  20. #20

    Smile

    Forever Frank ~ Forever Betty ~ Forever Dina ~ Forever Bobbysoxer

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